15th month…

"Funny how I fell for you
And the day you caught my eye
And my life have never been the same
Since the day I saw your smile"

Another post for this blog. I never got a chance to post here because of my hectic schedule for Job hunting. Well anyway… for my february post! I received a special gift from da… but! Befrore that!!! Nagaway muna kami… ahahaha… 2 hours siya nag anatay sa megamall… you know why? her battery has no charge and our friends invite me to have a drinking session in our house…. waaaaa… yari! She came home and throw my beutiful bouquet at the sofa… hay… i just give her a warm hug and full of kisses… we both know that it’s our fault… it is just a miscommunication problem And then we dtrink to celebrate our 15th monthsary and our advance valentines day!!!! Thanks da for the flowers… actually this is the first time i received a flowers in my entire life…. yiheeeee…. i love you da!

Just a thought…

Been running from this feeling for so long
Telling my heart I didn’t need it
Pretending I was better off alone
But I know that it’s just a lie
So afraid to take a chance again
So afraid of what I feel inside
But I need to be next to you
Oh I, oh I
I need to share every breath of you
Oh I, oh I
I need to know I can see you smile each morning
Look into your eyes each night for the rest of my life
Here with you, near with you, oh I
I need to be next to you
Needn to be next to you

Have you been  in a relationship knowing that this person loves you so much but you intend  to suppress your feelings  and not letting him know that you really love him and you don’t want to show it  because you are afraid of hurting your self again, afraid of being regret in the end. Then after knowing him a lot  you realized that there is no need to hide it because you are now sure that he loves you so much and he will not hurt you in the end. But now you noticed that you’re late … you realized that he already learned to supress his feelings for you… for all he knew that you’re not  giving him back the same love he gave you before.

Selfish….

"All I can say is that my life is pretty plain, like watchin’ the puddles gather rain, and all I can do is just pour some tea for two and speak my point of view but it’s not sane, It’s not sane …."

 Selfish.. selfish… that’s who i am… i couldn’t remember those people who loved me… take care of me… all i remember is that i am living on that small box loving and taking care of my self… crying and laughing alone always day dreaming. My motto in my life is that for you to survive… just think of your self.

I am recalling all those selfishness from the past… wondering where it start… & it came out that it was from MY HOME. I never had a strong foundation from my own family. When i was just a child… i am living with luxury things with no LOVE & ATTENTION. I am hunger for love and care. And the only person i know who really help me to stand up are my cousins and friends. The most important thing with my own family is there name and fame… they are the leaders… they are the lead head of all head of our entire clan… fixing things up before it spreads out. IF you dis-obeyed there ways and means… you are out!

When i was young they always told me that I and my biological family are both the same… you came from them… your blood will always be the same…

You can never hide your past by changing the future. Because the more you hide it… the more it will hunt you. I wish that they will be true to there selfs… i wish they will accept all of there faults and wrong judgment. 

Stubborn me!

"And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight"

 Got a very bad day this week i feel that i am not that complete again. I intend to get mad with no reason, easily frustrated from simple things. The unsecured feelings is getting back to me again & i don't know why… maybe it is just that i am a stubborn  person who seldom show her emotions a temperamental girl and easily get bored. And how i wish that this things will not affect our relationship… it's weird knowing that there were few person who can easily catch up and understand being who i am and she doesn't… but i love her. Well i wish this suppress feeling of being who i am will just fade away… somebody… somebody… will understand me in this new world… i know somebody will… and i wish she's the one.

In my dreams…

You're in to this relationship that you expect that  you can handle everything. You know to your self that you already been here and everything is just the same as before. But i guess it is not true… having this kind of relationship is not that easy as i expected. So many adjustment especially if you are a bisexual. You feel that you are secured in someways but you aren't, you feel that she / you will understand  her / you totally because you are same, but i guess not. Full of understanding they say.. full of confident, but i guess this won't work for me…because  i was expecting the unexpected and  i keep my self blind from the truth. I thought my past and present is all the same because of love, but i guess love is just love and the hidden feelings you want to express are not all understandable by them… because they are not the same as the opposite. They are just like that. Now i realized that those expectations from my past is just a dummy in my mind by looking on there appearance, but inside… we are both the same. Well i guess all of my expectations are wrong and this blindness should be gone right away. Because i will never be happy with this if i will stick to what all i know in my past. Knowing a person has a long way to go and i think all of that expectations is just in my dreams.