Selfish….

January 18, 2008

"All I can say is that my life is pretty plain, like watchin’ the puddles gather rain, and all I can do is just pour some tea for two and speak my point of view but it’s not sane, It’s not sane …."

 Selfish.. selfish… that’s who i am… i couldn’t remember those people who loved me… take care of me… all i remember is that i am living on that small box loving and taking care of my self… crying and laughing alone always day dreaming. My motto in my life is that for you to survive… just think of your self.

I am recalling all those selfishness from the past… wondering where it start… & it came out that it was from MY HOME. I never had a strong foundation from my own family. When i was just a child… i am living with luxury things with no LOVE & ATTENTION. I am hunger for love and care. And the only person i know who really help me to stand up are my cousins and friends. The most important thing with my own family is there name and fame… they are the leaders… they are the lead head of all head of our entire clan… fixing things up before it spreads out. IF you dis-obeyed there ways and means… you are out!

When i was young they always told me that I and my biological family are both the same… you came from them… your blood will always be the same…

If i was given a chance to talk to them now… i want to tell them that… maybe you can judge a person from where he came from but all i know is that a persons personality and judgment was formed from the environment he learned it. I know that there blood is inside me but you’re the one who made me…

I manage to suppress all the feelings inside me and try to move on. But the past still hunts me… if could turned back time and change everything maybe this will never happens. If only they knew how they turn me like this they will turn back and say i am sorry… but knowing them… they never will.

You can never hide your past by changing the future. Because the more you hide it… the more it will hunt you. I wish that they will be true to there selfs… i wish they will accept all of there faults and wrong judgment.