Stubborn me!

"And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight"

 Got a very bad day this week i feel that i am not that complete again. I intend to get mad with no reason, easily frustrated from simple things. The unsecured feelings is getting back to me again & i don't know why… maybe it is just that i am a stubborn  person who seldom show her emotions a temperamental girl and easily get bored. And how i wish that this things will not affect our relationship… it's weird knowing that there were few person who can easily catch up and understand being who i am and she doesn't… but i love her. Well i wish this suppress feeling of being who i am will just fade away… somebody… somebody… will understand me in this new world… i know somebody will… and i wish she's the one.

In my dreams…

You're in to this relationship that you expect that  you can handle everything. You know to your self that you already been here and everything is just the same as before. But i guess it is not true… having this kind of relationship is not that easy as i expected. So many adjustment especially if you are a bisexual. You feel that you are secured in someways but you aren't, you feel that she / you will understand  her / you totally because you are same, but i guess not. Full of understanding they say.. full of confident, but i guess this won't work for me…because  i was expecting the unexpected and  i keep my self blind from the truth. I thought my past and present is all the same because of love, but i guess love is just love and the hidden feelings you want to express are not all understandable by them… because they are not the same as the opposite. They are just like that. Now i realized that those expectations from my past is just a dummy in my mind by looking on there appearance, but inside… we are both the same. Well i guess all of my expectations are wrong and this blindness should be gone right away. Because i will never be happy with this if i will stick to what all i know in my past. Knowing a person has a long way to go and i think all of that expectations is just in my dreams.

Sigh* Life

 In the winding down hours
I let your heart down again
(What did I do to make a scene so gory?)
(I'm no better than the ones before me)
Old habits die hard
I always end up hating the end
(What did I do to make a scene so gory?)
(I'm no better than the ones before me)

I want to do things in a proper way… i want to be like me.. what i am before. The things i do every day is much easier for me before, except now. I want my old thinking back.I want that. I can easily be brain wash i know… but now it will be different. I will change everything on my own. I want someone to talk to… a person who really knew me. A  person who has a very strong personality and has a high perfective in life… a person who don't just live in fairytale a person who live and knew what is the real life and the real reality in life. A person with full of colors… a person that can bring back my courage and confidence .

Gone

"Life is more than money
Time was never money
Time was never cash,
Life is still more than girls
Life is more than hundred dollar bills
And oh the town fills
Life more than fame and rock and roll and thrills
All the riches of the kings
And up in wills we got information in the information age
But do we know what life is
Outside of our convenient Lexus cages "

They said if you love someone you will accept who he/she is and you will not try to change him/her. If thats the only thing he/she can give to you… take it.  Love should be give and take and know each other thoughts and feelings… A person  who always thinks that she is the one who contributed more, pays more.. a person who thinks all about money… all about success… is a person who don't know how to be happy… a person who always thinks about his self, the output of his life & what will others say to them… that's a unhappy person.  All i know about relationship is that  you should not look on what you have and  they have. It is about looking on what's inside of that love that binds them together. And if one person is down… the other person should be the hand of that person to get up and live together equally. Having a better relationship in not about having a wealthy life… it's about how to be strong to your relationship no matter what happens. Because everything is possible when there is love.

Happy Anniversary my Guardian Angel

"After All the stops and starts,
We keep coming back to these two hearts,
Two angels who've been rescued from the fall.
After All that we've been through,
It all comes down to me and you.
I guess it's meant to be,
Forever you and me, After All."

Don't pretend to know what love is for everyone; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”